The day Grayson died, my innards dried up like a raisin. The moisture that once lubricated my life and kept everything rolling—even amid mass chaos—simply evaporated, taking with it my thoughts, my voice, and mainly…my words. Even if I had known what I was feeling in those following days…weeks…months…there were simply no words left to […]
How Does Life Return? Read More »
May 14, 2026: It’s Thursday morning. Our son has been dead for four days. Despite my muddled brain and shaking hands, I manage to cook a simple breakfast of eggs, buttered toast, and apple slices. We haven’t been home for four months since our semester in Boston, and the bare refrigerator clearly speaks to our
I would like to fling my voice out like a cloth over the fragments of your death, and keep pulling at it until it is torn to pieces,and everything I say would walk around shivering, in the tatters of that voice. But mourning is not enough. –Rainer Maria Rilke, Requiem Everyone leaves, and with their
Meet Me in Memory: A Father’s Parting Words Read More »
May 16, 2026 Good morning. Thank you all for allowing me a few moments to share from my maternal heart. I ask in advance for your forgiveness for quoting from my own book. The words I originally wrote were the truest ones I could think of. This fact still holds true today. Many of the
Often, I fear I am in a one-way relationship with the Divine; if I don’t reach out for Him, He’ll never reach out for me. In my mind, I don’t actually believe this; I’ve occasionally experienced God as closer to me than I to myself. Still, lately, I can’t quite seem to convince my heart to feel otherwise. I have a hard time believing He initiates.
The God of Peeled Oranges…and Apples Read More »
“There is also the growing realization that, while we are journeying toward something holy, the path beneath us is no less sacred. Every day, every struggle, brings us closer to our destination. More truthfully, every day, every struggle IS the destination. For this is not a journey of sight, of knowledge, or logic, or reasoning. It is a journey of mist and fog, of feeling our way blindly with one groping foot, and occasionally crawling on all fours.”
July 1, 2025 The wildness in her soul can no longer be calmed, quieted, subdued, appeased, hushed, quelled, stuffed, or repressed; it must journey deep into the wilderness to meet its match. Perhaps somehow, scientifically, mathematically, or even magically, the paired energies of the wilderness and her own wildness will diffuse themselves, cancel each other
“Mom, I need to talk to you about something weird I’m doing. I can’t help it, and I really hate it, but I can’t stop.” Grayson’s voice on the other end of the line is flat and dejected. Borderline despairing. “Okay,” I respond, sitting down and forcing a slow inhale, “tell me what’s going on.”
Shamed Hearts, Soft Hands Read More »
“In the middle of the road in my life, I awoke in a dark wood, where the true way was wholly lost.” The Divine Comedy – Dante Alighieri * Thank you, good Dante, for speaking plainly, in terms of what is, and not of what was, nor of what should be. But for simply speaking the
Nigredo: My Lament Read More »
It’s the night of October 25, 2024. I’m the only one home, and literally, alone on a mountain. The word “vanity” has been rolling around my mind the last few days, and I feel determined to understand why. The critic in me feels certain an ugly internal truth lies at the end of this curious
Civilized Vanity or Barbaric Beauty? Read More »
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