July 1, 2025 The wildness in her soul can no longer be calmed, quieted, subdued, appeased, hushed, quelled, stuffed, or repressed; it must journey deep into the wilderness to meet its match. Perhaps somehow, scientifically, mathematically, or even magically, the paired energies of the wilderness and her own wildness will diffuse themselves, cancel each other […]
“Mom, I need to talk to you about something weird I’m doing. I can’t help it, and I really hate it, but I can’t stop.” Grayson’s voice on the other end of the line is flat and dejected. Borderline despairing. “Okay,” I respond, sitting down and forcing a slow inhale, “tell me what’s going on.”
Shamed Hearts, Soft Hands Read More »
“In the middle of the road in my life, I awoke in a dark wood, where the true way was wholly lost.” The Divine Comedy – Dante Alighieri * Thank you, good Dante, for speaking plainly, in terms of what is, and not of what was, nor of what should be. But for simply speaking the
Nigredo: My Lament Read More »
It’s the night of October 25, 2024. I’m the only one home, and literally, alone on a mountain. The word “vanity” has been rolling around my mind the last few days, and I feel determined to understand why. The critic in me feels certain an ugly internal truth lies at the end of this curious
Civilized Vanity or Barbaric Beauty? Read More »
“So, in a fitting sense, my father’s laissez-faire attitude had now become fitting for these times in ways he probably couldn’t have imagined: the general rule swallows all exceptions, nothing you do will make much difference, the poor will always be with us. The blackthorns and fruit trees are blossoming, forget-me-nots have replaced the crocuses
Micro Responses to Macro Despair Read More »
It’s a strange thing to read your own memoirs, even when you are the one who wrote them. Last Friday, I ironically finished my final round of proofreads in the very hotel we stayed when Caleb, our oldest, was in a coma after his rollover accident. Everything about Friday was surreal: wrapping up a very
Hotel Chicken Wings and Teary Thresholds Read More »
Several weeks ago, a friend was sharing about a book she’d been reading and describing the gorgeous cover in great detail: the layered mountains, the deep blue sky, and a spectacular eagle soaring over the peaks. Just as she mentioned the soaring eagle, I randomly glanced out our living room window, only to witness a
What do you do with grief that feels gray? Which compartment do you stuff it in when it’s not black, suffocating, agonizing, blaring, or concrete? Is there such a thing as “gentle grief?” Can it even be called “grief” if your heart still feels settled in your chest? What do you do when grief is
I never knew it was possible To fall in so love with every tree, each leaf, the way they quiver individually and yet collectively…the sound of the world breathing. I never knew it was possible To feel so at ease, so at home in one place, on this planet. But somehow it is. And somehow
Falling into the Collective Whole Read More »
I cannot remember the books I’ve eaten more than the meals I have eaten; even so, they have made me. ―Ralph Waldo Emerson We are dating. Despite my boyfriend’s head filling my lap, I peruse my textbook and try to memorize important facts for our shared humanities class. Arin has yet to purchase his, though
Becoming the Books We Read Read More »
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