It’s the night of October 25, 2024. I’m the only one home, and literally, alone on a mountain. The word “vanity” has been rolling around my mind the last few days, and I feel determined to understand why. The critic in me feels certain an ugly internal truth lies at the end of this curious […]
Civilized Vanity or Barbaric Beauty? Read More »
“So, in a fitting sense, my father’s laissez-faire attitude had now become fitting for these times in ways he probably couldn’t have imagined: the general rule swallows all exceptions, nothing you do will make much difference, the poor will always be with us. The blackthorns and fruit trees are blossoming, forget-me-nots have replaced the crocuses
Micro Responses to Macro Despair Read More »
I never knew it was possible To fall in so love with every tree, each leaf, the way they quiver individually and yet collectively…the sound of the world breathing. I never knew it was possible To feel so at ease, so at home in one place, on this planet. But somehow it is. And somehow
Falling into the Collective Whole Read More »
I’ve always wondered whether it’s possible for someone to feel beautiful, but not pretty. The word occurs to me in a different way as I’m driving this morning. Beauty-full. Full of beauty. Beautiful is a state of being, whereas pretty is simply external. Perhaps this epiphany is old news to everyone except me, but as
Beautiful but Not Pretty Read More »
“We fail to understand the Divine, not because we aren’t able to extend our concepts far enough, but because we don’t know how to begin close enough.” –Abraham Heschel- August 15, 2022 I took the kids to eat at a fast food restaurant yesterday after church. The Cracker Barrel had waiting lines out the door,
“Close Enough” Divine Encounters Read More »
July 5, 2022 I am mid-stride in the kitchen when the darkness hits. Without warning, it rolls in as quickly as the afternoon thunderstorms, although my darkness feels much more smothering and muggy. Siphoning my breath and dousing my previous exuberance, the darkness accosts me, demanding an immediate account for my actions: What have you
The Sinewy Connections of Life, Death, Longing, and Fear Read More »
July 3, 2022 “Your Aspens look diseased,” my mom offhandedly remarks from the breakfast table overlooking one of our many new-to-us Aspen groves. “You could get an arborist to come up here and take a look,” she suggests. Instantly, my chest tightens with stress—yet another expense, one more item on my to-do list, and my
July 2, 2022 My eyes flicker open to the dark outline of a mountain, and I blink repeatedly, willing the looming shape to disappear, yet simultaneously praying it wouldn’t. This inner disparity makes me feel instantly crazy, for the decision to move was mine. I had driven the real estate search (much to my husband’s
I Went to the Woods Read More »
Here is Grayson, my sixteen-year-old autistic son, on his second day of work. No, he’s not the kid sitting on the stool with the blurred face. He’s the one hiding behind the white “Skip the Line” sign. A family friend has entered the movie theater, so Grayson has ducked out of sight until she has
Donning the Sacred Faded Polo Read More »
I had a dream last night—more of a nightmare, really. I was auditioning to be an actor in my own book, the memoir I’m attempting to write, which of course, makes no sense. But such is the way our brains stitch our jumbled pieces together while we lay sleeping. My old college coach was running
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